i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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