I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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