u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
