You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
