just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
