I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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