ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
