but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
