Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
