All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
