when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
