so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
