i don't like sucking hair
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
