I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
