She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
