I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
