i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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