I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
