We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
