please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
