and you said cock pushups were impossible
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
