He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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