Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
