Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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