Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
