just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
