I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
