How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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