she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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