this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
