You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
nutella sex= disaster
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Randomize
