I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
