dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
