So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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