I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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