Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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