I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
