Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
