Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
