Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
