At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
