dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
