oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
