the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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