I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
