who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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