sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
