Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
