We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
