Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
